Laughing out loud

According to the Weekly World News website, Bill Clinton has set his sights on the Olsen twins. In the best fake quote ever, an anonymous friend (shocker) claimed that after their 18th birthday, Clinton said, 'O.K., it's time to get jiggy with them!' But wait....there's more. Also, according to his friend (same one? or another anonymous source? How many people know about this???), Clinton told him, 'Since they're actresses, I want them to help me act out my Twin Cheerleaders and The Lumberjack fantasies.' Lumberjack fantasies? Apparantly, you can take the boy out of Arkansas, but you can't take the Arkansas out of the boy. And his explanation for his Olsen obsession: 'I can't help it. I've got Olsen Fever!' You and me both, my friend. You and me both. Of course, mine has more to do with jealousy and intrigue rather than wanting to make them part of my twin cheerleader fantasy (in mine, the cheerleaders die in a tragic pyramid accident). But that's neither here nor there. I just want Bill (we're close, I can call him by his first name) to know, that he's not alone. There are many other older men out there who want to screw the Olsen twins.
Reagan